It seems that the idiotic nonsense known as a “cleansing” or “detox” diet is back in vogue. And, as always, every genius who reads ‘Womans Day’ is getting their wallet cleansed by the eye-wateringly overpriced, rubbish supplement of the moment. Why? And what is a cleansing/detox diet, exactly?
Cleansing/detox diets promise to rid the body of “toxins”. Apparently all these unnameable, unknowable, unmeasurable, un-specifiable toxins “build up”… somewhere… and cause… everything bad.
Toxins seemingly make you fat, tired, depressed, cold, hot, give you sore feet when you wear uncomfortable shoes, smelly when you forget deodorant on a hot day, miserable about your miserable life, hate your hateful job, brunette when you want to be blonde, short when you want to be tall and even lose the lotto each week. Worse still, toxins come from everywhere and are completely unavoidable. But if you get rid of toxins you will be forever happy, rich, intelligent, charismatic, stunningly good looking and everyone will love you.
So obviously you need to BUY BUY BUY the hottest new cleansing detox product. But how do you choose the right one for you? That requires a deeper appreciation of what a cleansing diet does.
[detox products] decide which chemicals are good, and which are bad, based on no objective information whatsoever, and always make the right and fairest decision. Just like ASADA. Cool!
Unfortunately – and surprisingly – no sensible or specific information about cleansing seems to be available. But, just like the con-artists spruiking these garbage products, Im not going to let a total lack of credible information stop me writing this blog.
The first logical question would be: what toxins are to be cleansed? Toxins like Iron? Iron is extremely toxic. That said, iron is also pretty damned important. So, will a cleansing diet cleanse you of iron? If it does, then it’ll give you anemia. If it doesn’t, its not removing something toxic. If it removes just a certain amount, but leaves the rest to do good, how does it know? Oops! There I go thinking again. No place for that when discussing a detox.
OK, I’ll stop trying to think about what toxins are to be cleansed because the number of beneficial, naturally-occurring chemicals in the body that are also toxic in certain states, times or tissues would be too overwhelming to discuss. So lets just assume that these cleansing/detox diet products are somehow filled with all the genius of a team of ASADA bureaucrats. They can infallibly decide which chemicals are good, and which are bad, based on no objective information whatsoever, and always make the right and fairest decision. Just like ASADA. Cool. That sounds entirely reasonable…
So the right toxins are being removed in the right quantities. But where are these toxins being removed from? The lymphatic system? Do they just drain the entire lymphatic system back into the blood stream, all at once? That doesn’t sound like a good idea to me. Maybe they do it over time? But then, isn’t that what happens anyway?
Or are the toxins being removed from the liver and kidneys? But… isn’t that what the liver and kidneys do anyway?
The muscles? It would seem that cleansing diets do a remarkable job of ridding the body large quantities of muscle in minimum time. But… muscles are constantly renewed anyway. Wouldn’t exercise combined with a highly nutritious diet “cleanse” muscle tissue? Or do detox diets see muscle as a toxin? Maybe thats why detox/cleansing diets are pushed primarily onto the same overweight women who are irrationally terrified of having muscle?
Or are the toxins being removed from the bones? In 1-2 weeks? Im pretty sure any toxins in bones would take longer than 1-2 weeks to remove. Unless, of course, detox diets consider calcium a toxin and cleanses that too? Certainly the low calorie malnourishment is doing nothing positive for the bones.
what people really do detox diets for: they want impossibly rapid fat loss! The kind of instant gratification that can only come from losing fluid, not fat.
Interestingly, I have seen websites recently showing pictures of the remarkable results from their ‘detox’ product. Yes, pictures! Of detoxing?
How do you photograph detoxification, do you think? Before and after images of better formed blood cells? Before and after photos of lymph nodes? Livers? Kidneys? Nope. They show body photos. They show weight loss! They show women who have shrunk. These sites even quantify detoxification success by the amount of weight lost.
This really gets to the crux of what people really do detox diets for: they want impossibly rapid fat loss! The kind of instant gratification that can only come from losing fluid, not fat. And temporary fluid loss is all that they achieve!
As fat loss diets, detox diets and products are obviously hopeless. That probably explains why people jump from product to product and diet to diet. They are all as stupid as one another, and everybody knows it. But they are all holding out for the magic product that lets them eat muffins, cake and cheese, and then lose the inevitable fat that comes with eating muffins, cake and cheese.
Bad news. It doesn’t exist. Detox diets and products are all just a monumental load of nonsense! And you know it!